Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
