we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
