She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
