why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
