I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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