I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
