Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I AM VODKA MAN
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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