I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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