Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
