I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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