No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
