First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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