Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
