Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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