Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
