If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
