I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize