It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
