hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize