It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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