P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
