I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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