ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
