I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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