And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
