Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
