o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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