I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
