he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
