I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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