i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
