don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
