so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
