and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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