nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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