I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
