fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
