I think I won the penis lottery.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize