Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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