I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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