i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
