I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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