There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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