I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
