I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
