she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
