John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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