I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
