Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
