Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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