I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we made out on top of his cat.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
