Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
