Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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