so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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