Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
