lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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