God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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