Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
