U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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