I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
